college advice™

trademarklee:

• make friends in every class u have. i don’t care if it’s awkward nd uncomfortable at first bc at the end of the semester and ur ass doesn’t know how 2 do any of the questions on the final review i promise becky that sits a row behind u will
  
• don’t drink too much coffee bc it stains ur teeth. try mountain dew or other energy drinks 4 late night study binges. BE CAREFUL when using monster, red bull, 5 hour energy, etc. bc these are the worst for ur heart so make sure to Read The Labels And Warnings before overdosing the night before ur chem exam
  
• stock up on ramen nd mac nd cheese. they’re cheap nd are ready to go in like 3 minutes. when u haven’t eatin in 14 hours during midterms and u think u might actually Die ur friend 3 minute mac will be there for u when no one else will
  
• cut off people who suck. i mean academically socially and romantically. if they don’t give a shit about their grades u don’t need to give a shit about them yall im serious
  
• c’s get degrees!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  
• for the love of god please check ur student email
  
• eat a vegetable every once in a while. ur decaying body will thank u
  
• keep in contact with ur friends who don’t go to ur school. It’ll be nice 2 talk 2 someone who doesn’t know about the scandal in the biology department at the end of the week
  
• get to ur first class of every semester at least 30 minutes early. i’m not fucking around either bc if u want a good seat and decent parking u better set ur alarm
  
• if ur professor’s a dick or throws something at u file a complaint. u could get him fired. don’t let them tell u “this is college” bc that’s not college it’s fucking harassment lmao
• sit where there’s an outlet or where u can see and hear the professor
  
• actually go to class and Especially go to long lectures. they’re snooze fests but You Will Fail if u miss out on too much
  
• wear headphones everywhere u go on campus. no one will talk to u it’s gr8
  
• no one cares what u wear. i’ve seen people in formal business suits to scrubs to pajamas in class. wear what ur comfortable with nd won’t get arrested 4 wearing. the rest of the population is just as dead inside as u
  
• check ur online courses The Most. Ur professor isn’t obligated to tell u when shit’s due and they more than likely won’t
  
• drop the class if u can’t make above a 70% average. trust me
  
• don’t buy textbooks until the second week of class bc if u buy all ur textbooks before actually seeing what the professor wants u to get u will waste $1000 and cry urself to sleep when the bookstore won’t take ur returns
  
• if u work save at least $25-50 of ur weekly paycheck for an emergency fund. ur future self will thank u
• don’t buy from the campus bookstore. they’re blood-sucking vampires who feed off freshman. amazon does textbook rentals for Very Cheap so don’t waste money that could be used on food
  
• know where the library nd computer labs are nd what services they offer (like free printing, test proctoring, etc)
  
• get a study group nd make a gc. they will emotionally and academically support u. get to know these ppl nd meet them at 3 pm at mcdonalds on a sunday to take ur online exams. they will be strange but u will all pass
  
• get to know ppl inside ur major. just trust me on this
  
• do ur readings and turn things in on time. u will sleep better at night  
  
• don’t take more hours than u can handle. u will become a shell of the person u were before the semester started
  
• sell ur fancy ass graphing calculator u used for one class on ebay
  
• drink water nd take care of urself
  
• call ur mom every few days. she will love to hear from u
  
• don’t die. just switch majors